Family or friend?

Lol... Accidently pressed delete..... Have to re-type again....

Straight to the main point bar....

1st
Early in the morning after physic class....
I go find phat ysic teacher alone...
Cus wanna to ask her something...
During the conversation.....
I felt really bad....
The main thing that make me feel bad is...
She asked me that: Are you in love with ..... ?
She say: better dont now.... You need concentrate on study....
I replied: I got Concentrate in your class... i done the paper you gave.
She say: Anything you dont understand, can come ask me or ask your friend....
If not you can Ask your GF....
I felt really bad... She misunderstand that I with someone that really close to me...

Next Rush for math pa and Rush home....
While i get into the car...
My mother shocked me again....
She ask me: Your gf change car?
Huh? I dont have gf....
The mention the name... Lol
She is just really close with me....

This two conversation make me feel really bad....
I thinking that... are we two that closee before, until you guys think that we are couple?
Haiz...

Anyway today got happy stuff happen....
Around 6pm
It start to rain...
and lightning...
So i text her... (she Scare lightning)
I feel really good that she reply me....
She told me that we are still friend...
After the misunderstand on the pass few days....
I really happy to heard this... =)
But i dont have confidence on myself to be your friend....

I THINK i still keep silent will be better....
During thiss two day...
I saw your smile and laugh...
I saw everyone is happy.... Without a spoiler (Me)
So I think i still get silent better....

It is hurt sometimes... But i have to control myself....
Maybe we will get back like before..
but i dont think it will happen so soon....

It will happen only when you come close me....
And try to solve it with me....
Maybe you already forgive me...
And waiting for my respond....
But i cannot go through myself....
I need your help to get my confidence back....
Bring me out and chat with me.....
But i dont think i can....
I felt really bad and awkward toward you...
Since i knew that how much i annoyed you...
And not helped you at all...

Friends.... I need you all.... But I will keep silent...
Until I think i can be the friend of you....

Will see how the life going on.... =)
Smile and accept it...

I need a true heart and close friend.. =)

Violin~Clover~WeeMusic save my Soulz

Hi I am back again since I CRIED in my heart..
Most of the time when I am sad I will login to blogger..
This time is not a exception....

I trusted a friend that a wish it will be really forever...
We stick together like glued by super glue.....
But Since the exam is coming she changed much..
Fight for the exam... Pushing me away... But she don't know it and also dont mean it...
I am hurt for this relationship... Even I am not that clever...
As we made a promise to fight together and work together...
I tried my best to help she when she is down....

To: My friend...
Do you know, i felt how much loneliness? Since this year you are the only one i trust...
The relationship of me and others is just like touch and go... Say a hi and a bye in a second...
I tried my best to chase after you... Every times when you are down sure i will help you..
When i down i tried to seek for your help and where are you now? Where are you?!!
It is i too silly to trust you? Everything is too late... The moment i made my decision... I will keep everything inside myself... And i will not be friends with anyone now....
Even you come close to me automatically... Maybe i will accept it... But i wish i dont get hurt...
I need you much more than before.... I dont have a friend like you anymore........

Back to myself...
In school before this, our classmates is really close to each other..
I dont know when and i didn't even notices this happen...
I felt everyone is pushing me away....
For this week... I really kept silent... Due to the shit result.... I am really tired....
My classmate? Haha, are they my friends?
I cannot believe my situation now.... Everyone is pushing me away....

To: another buddy..
I think i told you before them... I request you to teach me for physic and also others subject...
Yet you replied, you are not good in teaching... Okay never mind maybe you are really not good in teaching...
But how can you go and be others teacher for the next day? Yet now still continue...
And I didn't been invite to be your tutor? Are you still the one i know?
Sorry bar... I disturbed you a lot.... I will kept silent...

Classmate always just classmate... i KNow you guys dont even want me to be around...
I rhino-ed my face and get into the class group study with you all... Sorry for it...
I didn't want to ask any question even i want to ask....
Okay i kept silent and study my own understand myself....
Yet you are using in direct way to tell me that.. I am not welcomed....
Nah... Now i dont want to join you guys anymore....

Yeah... Maybe i am small gas... I angry for a little things...
I really been hurt by you all....
Teacher okay my result is not good... Do you need to show me this attitude?
you make me dont even have a confident to go for my exam...
I tried my best.... I studied over night... Maybe i miss concept or what....
Whatever... you are correct... I wont get what i want...

For my gan-mami....
I am sorry maybe i am rude towards you today... I dont mean anything at all....
I dont want you to worry me...
I tried my best to do what you said... you say dont think too much...
The i keep use homework as reason , do homework so i wont think too much....
Sorry.... I cannot do it well now....
Sorry to tell you everything like this.....

What can i do? Everything is fixed... This is my fate... Most probably you also wont read this page.... Thx you everyone... I <3 you all forever.......

What I feel in my heart...

10 august 2011
Busy day...

Today my friend go hospital for a check up... I am worrying...
Because she pain until wake up during the midnight....
She absent for school today... Without her...
There is a feeling of missing something in the class...
Thx that I get the news that her check up is fine and she is healthy...
During school...
I had fight with the physics lesson for around 2 hours.... Super tiring man....
Next we had our usual class at school...
And there are a extra class for the afternoon....
Is the time to meet my friend.... =) Cannot wait for it....

The extra class is the most interesting and class for the year....
We going to try out our some chemical experiment..
It is about chemistry... Carbon and also aluminium...
I tried small grenade and also tiny rocket...
Thx KSY for his hard work on the rocket...
He had tried more than 10 times of trial before showing us this successful show....
We launched a few rocket and also grenade....
There are videos in youtube....

This is the most meaningful moment for me...
I can feel the teamwork from my class..
Everyone waiting to see the rocket to be launch..
Waiting the grenade to boom....
And shouting around...
Yeah... I am one of them... =)
After the practical...
We clean up the field together...
And this time I really feel very good.... And fun....
This is the feeling what we should have between our friends....
I love my Classmate.. I love U6S3 2011 @St. Thomas, Kuching.....

Okay...
Then few of my gang planing to edit the video and post in on youtube or facebook....
Here is out video edit team... Alex, Nicole, Winnie and also me...
We used a few hours to edit the videos....
And we had dinner together at pizza huts...
We face a little problem there...
But finally it is solve...
Haha.... How a wonderful days....

Today... I felt sorry towards my friends or buddy....
I Think i treat them not good enough....
Sorry guys....

===================================================================

Here is some unhappy thingy i thinking today...
Sometimes i really feel alone when I am with friends...
I think I dont need much friends...
But I need someone to be with me....
Someone who can really pei me....
Someone that i can share my sadness...
Someone that i can share my Happiness....
Someone that i can share everything with....

When i am down...
I really hope you will hugs me automatically...
Come near me and cheer me....
Maybe I need some warmness...

But who will be that nice to me?
Haha.... I think I am too silly right?

This is the way how I care someone....
Sometimes a little hugs... Can cheer a person... Make someone feel better.....
A little warmness....Can pull someone up....
A kiss on his/her cheer... Can make he/she feel safe and calm...
I think this is the right way....

Friends.... I appreciate you guys very much.... I dont want to lost anyone of you...
And this is why I trying to maintain our friendship...
Even it will never get back like before... But at least i can call you my friends....
No matter i get hurt how many times....
I will forget it and maintain our friendship.....
I know there is a limit for me.... But i think i still can keep it well.....

Good luck everyone..... <3