Family or friend?

Lol... Accidently pressed delete..... Have to re-type again....

Straight to the main point bar....

1st
Early in the morning after physic class....
I go find phat ysic teacher alone...
Cus wanna to ask her something...
During the conversation.....
I felt really bad....
The main thing that make me feel bad is...
She asked me that: Are you in love with ..... ?
She say: better dont now.... You need concentrate on study....
I replied: I got Concentrate in your class... i done the paper you gave.
She say: Anything you dont understand, can come ask me or ask your friend....
If not you can Ask your GF....
I felt really bad... She misunderstand that I with someone that really close to me...

Next Rush for math pa and Rush home....
While i get into the car...
My mother shocked me again....
She ask me: Your gf change car?
Huh? I dont have gf....
The mention the name... Lol
She is just really close with me....

This two conversation make me feel really bad....
I thinking that... are we two that closee before, until you guys think that we are couple?
Haiz...

Anyway today got happy stuff happen....
Around 6pm
It start to rain...
and lightning...
So i text her... (she Scare lightning)
I feel really good that she reply me....
She told me that we are still friend...
After the misunderstand on the pass few days....
I really happy to heard this... =)
But i dont have confidence on myself to be your friend....

I THINK i still keep silent will be better....
During thiss two day...
I saw your smile and laugh...
I saw everyone is happy.... Without a spoiler (Me)
So I think i still get silent better....

It is hurt sometimes... But i have to control myself....
Maybe we will get back like before..
but i dont think it will happen so soon....

It will happen only when you come close me....
And try to solve it with me....
Maybe you already forgive me...
And waiting for my respond....
But i cannot go through myself....
I need your help to get my confidence back....
Bring me out and chat with me.....
But i dont think i can....
I felt really bad and awkward toward you...
Since i knew that how much i annoyed you...
And not helped you at all...

Friends.... I need you all.... But I will keep silent...
Until I think i can be the friend of you....

Will see how the life going on.... =)
Smile and accept it...

Unhappy day... My life

Today... Quite a warm day.... But I felt really cold...
I think from today onward... I will post everyday....
Since I don't have good mood at all...

Early in the morning... As usual I went to School....
I am tired... Ask i only slept for 2 hours plus or maybe less....
Today is MUET speaking test....
Of course I am nervous... But I got no mood for it....
I reach school around 6.50 a.m.
With a super weird feeling towards my classmates.....
Esp someone...
We a good friend before....
But now it is really awkward to meet she/he in the school....
The fear inside me....
The moment I saw her/him....
I start trembling... The same feeling occur again.....
I hate that feeling very much....
But i Think i only can accept it....

In the class... I sat alone.... At the corner....
I don't really want to talk...
Because i cannot trust anyone of my classmates.....
Including my best buddy last year.....
They ask I answer....
What should I do... I dont even know...
I lost my confidence.... Towards friends and also academic...

I just like ghost in the class..... Who see me? Who know me?
They are all stranger for me.... They ask me question... i answer...
I know i am wrong in the first place....
I don't like a friend treating me as the way you treat me......
I dont know how much i trusted you...
Yet you can throw me a side without looking back.....
I am tired to chase after you....
Yup i am wrong in the way of spamming you...
You dont like it... And no one like it too.....
I tried my best to maintenance the relationship between us....

What you say towards me is not what you do in the real....
Well.... I am silly that to trust every word you say towards me....
The promise we made.... And everything we promise each other....
I HATE PPL BREAKING PROMISED.....

I will keep silent at home and also in school.....
I hope i can survive until I finish the exam...
I DONT HAVE A PLACE FOR REST....
Or mayne i dont need rest now....

Thx you for who ever care about.... Caring is not only needed when someone is down....
The normal life of me is.... SILENT AND ALONE.....
I feel the wind blow beside me....
I heard the Noise by car, human, and natural.....
I saw the mist, the happiness and also the hard-work....
But I cannot feel myself inside it.....

Violin~Clover~WeeMusic save my Soulz

Today... I am crazy...
Because of a friend... I really trusted.....
I have to accept it with a smile... =)
Thinking positively.... +ve Minded....

Okay.... I lost a friend that I like the most...
Is not a couple... We are like brother and sister....
I have to respect your choice....
Is not a betray... because i am too annoying...
This decision... It is good for both of us...

Maybe of different sex.... We cannot study together...
Yet you always say you want to study alone....
Now you found your gang... And you going into study group...

Wish all the best for you all.... =) will accept everything...
Including the bad word you guys scolding behind me...

Now... I feel like wanna go get my violin and play it crazily...
Unfortunately, the string is spoil...
I dont know what to do in the first place...
I felt i have been cheated....
Since early you should tell me the true...
And is not lie me...

Well... On the friday... I think i changed since that moment...
I scare to lost a single friend...
I trusted everyone.... But i dont trust myself...
I dont like study group... But I want to study together with you...

Because i trust that we can motivate each other...

Okay... This is what i should do now...
I will keep silent... I am just myself... Blanking my mind...
I dont treat anyone as friend now...
They are someone who i should win them in the exam....
Fight for a good result.... family problem... Can dont care then dont care....
Own problem let go everything.....
No matter how bad they treat me...
I am still CKW.... Keeping silent is always the best...
Everything is in my mind.... In my heart and i will bury it.....

Si How and Alex.... My trusted brother....
I cannot be with you guys... I have been alone for quite a few times....
Our heart is not longer be together....
Even we are near... Our topic will be different....
Sorry for that.... ESP Si How.... Sorry....
I cannot maintenance a good relationship with you guys...
3 Blade is got because of me.... The Emo Wee in the three....
You want to blame... You wan to scold... Can always come find me...

Thx you for one of my friend.... Yes you are right.... Accept everything with a smile...
Cry or sad... Or angry cannot done anything beside pressuring myself...
Thx you to point me and wake me up....

The smile from true heart and the fake smile cannot been different....
Can get through then i will be fine....
Please dont get close to me even I am sick or I am half die there...
Me CKW do not need help From ANYONE OF YOU....

There will not be the end of the world.... I will still alive....
This is the way i can survive.....

I dont Think you need my help anymore....
Since the friendship is break....
Then i will shut up for everything you do....
Get my eyes close for everyone near me.....
As before the sleepy wee.....
NEver care anything around... And fight till the end....
Get roar.... ROWL....

I need a true heart and close friend.. =)

Violin~Clover~WeeMusic save my Soulz

Hi I am back again since I CRIED in my heart..
Most of the time when I am sad I will login to blogger..
This time is not a exception....

I trusted a friend that a wish it will be really forever...
We stick together like glued by super glue.....
But Since the exam is coming she changed much..
Fight for the exam... Pushing me away... But she don't know it and also dont mean it...
I am hurt for this relationship... Even I am not that clever...
As we made a promise to fight together and work together...
I tried my best to help she when she is down....

To: My friend...
Do you know, i felt how much loneliness? Since this year you are the only one i trust...
The relationship of me and others is just like touch and go... Say a hi and a bye in a second...
I tried my best to chase after you... Every times when you are down sure i will help you..
When i down i tried to seek for your help and where are you now? Where are you?!!
It is i too silly to trust you? Everything is too late... The moment i made my decision... I will keep everything inside myself... And i will not be friends with anyone now....
Even you come close to me automatically... Maybe i will accept it... But i wish i dont get hurt...
I need you much more than before.... I dont have a friend like you anymore........

Back to myself...
In school before this, our classmates is really close to each other..
I dont know when and i didn't even notices this happen...
I felt everyone is pushing me away....
For this week... I really kept silent... Due to the shit result.... I am really tired....
My classmate? Haha, are they my friends?
I cannot believe my situation now.... Everyone is pushing me away....

To: another buddy..
I think i told you before them... I request you to teach me for physic and also others subject...
Yet you replied, you are not good in teaching... Okay never mind maybe you are really not good in teaching...
But how can you go and be others teacher for the next day? Yet now still continue...
And I didn't been invite to be your tutor? Are you still the one i know?
Sorry bar... I disturbed you a lot.... I will kept silent...

Classmate always just classmate... i KNow you guys dont even want me to be around...
I rhino-ed my face and get into the class group study with you all... Sorry for it...
I didn't want to ask any question even i want to ask....
Okay i kept silent and study my own understand myself....
Yet you are using in direct way to tell me that.. I am not welcomed....
Nah... Now i dont want to join you guys anymore....

Yeah... Maybe i am small gas... I angry for a little things...
I really been hurt by you all....
Teacher okay my result is not good... Do you need to show me this attitude?
you make me dont even have a confident to go for my exam...
I tried my best.... I studied over night... Maybe i miss concept or what....
Whatever... you are correct... I wont get what i want...

For my gan-mami....
I am sorry maybe i am rude towards you today... I dont mean anything at all....
I dont want you to worry me...
I tried my best to do what you said... you say dont think too much...
The i keep use homework as reason , do homework so i wont think too much....
Sorry.... I cannot do it well now....
Sorry to tell you everything like this.....

What can i do? Everything is fixed... This is my fate... Most probably you also wont read this page.... Thx you everyone... I <3 you all forever.......