Family or friend?

Lol... Accidently pressed delete..... Have to re-type again....

Straight to the main point bar....

1st
Early in the morning after physic class....
I go find phat ysic teacher alone...
Cus wanna to ask her something...
During the conversation.....
I felt really bad....
The main thing that make me feel bad is...
She asked me that: Are you in love with ..... ?
She say: better dont now.... You need concentrate on study....
I replied: I got Concentrate in your class... i done the paper you gave.
She say: Anything you dont understand, can come ask me or ask your friend....
If not you can Ask your GF....
I felt really bad... She misunderstand that I with someone that really close to me...

Next Rush for math pa and Rush home....
While i get into the car...
My mother shocked me again....
She ask me: Your gf change car?
Huh? I dont have gf....
The mention the name... Lol
She is just really close with me....

This two conversation make me feel really bad....
I thinking that... are we two that closee before, until you guys think that we are couple?
Haiz...

Anyway today got happy stuff happen....
Around 6pm
It start to rain...
and lightning...
So i text her... (she Scare lightning)
I feel really good that she reply me....
She told me that we are still friend...
After the misunderstand on the pass few days....
I really happy to heard this... =)
But i dont have confidence on myself to be your friend....

I THINK i still keep silent will be better....
During thiss two day...
I saw your smile and laugh...
I saw everyone is happy.... Without a spoiler (Me)
So I think i still get silent better....

It is hurt sometimes... But i have to control myself....
Maybe we will get back like before..
but i dont think it will happen so soon....

It will happen only when you come close me....
And try to solve it with me....
Maybe you already forgive me...
And waiting for my respond....
But i cannot go through myself....
I need your help to get my confidence back....
Bring me out and chat with me.....
But i dont think i can....
I felt really bad and awkward toward you...
Since i knew that how much i annoyed you...
And not helped you at all...

Friends.... I need you all.... But I will keep silent...
Until I think i can be the friend of you....

Will see how the life going on.... =)
Smile and accept it...

Unhappy day... My life

Today... Quite a warm day.... But I felt really cold...
I think from today onward... I will post everyday....
Since I don't have good mood at all...

Early in the morning... As usual I went to School....
I am tired... Ask i only slept for 2 hours plus or maybe less....
Today is MUET speaking test....
Of course I am nervous... But I got no mood for it....
I reach school around 6.50 a.m.
With a super weird feeling towards my classmates.....
Esp someone...
We a good friend before....
But now it is really awkward to meet she/he in the school....
The fear inside me....
The moment I saw her/him....
I start trembling... The same feeling occur again.....
I hate that feeling very much....
But i Think i only can accept it....

In the class... I sat alone.... At the corner....
I don't really want to talk...
Because i cannot trust anyone of my classmates.....
Including my best buddy last year.....
They ask I answer....
What should I do... I dont even know...
I lost my confidence.... Towards friends and also academic...

I just like ghost in the class..... Who see me? Who know me?
They are all stranger for me.... They ask me question... i answer...
I know i am wrong in the first place....
I don't like a friend treating me as the way you treat me......
I dont know how much i trusted you...
Yet you can throw me a side without looking back.....
I am tired to chase after you....
Yup i am wrong in the way of spamming you...
You dont like it... And no one like it too.....
I tried my best to maintenance the relationship between us....

What you say towards me is not what you do in the real....
Well.... I am silly that to trust every word you say towards me....
The promise we made.... And everything we promise each other....
I HATE PPL BREAKING PROMISED.....

I will keep silent at home and also in school.....
I hope i can survive until I finish the exam...
I DONT HAVE A PLACE FOR REST....
Or mayne i dont need rest now....

Thx you for who ever care about.... Caring is not only needed when someone is down....
The normal life of me is.... SILENT AND ALONE.....
I feel the wind blow beside me....
I heard the Noise by car, human, and natural.....
I saw the mist, the happiness and also the hard-work....
But I cannot feel myself inside it.....

Violin~Clover~WeeMusic save my Soulz

Today... I am crazy...
Because of a friend... I really trusted.....
I have to accept it with a smile... =)
Thinking positively.... +ve Minded....

Okay.... I lost a friend that I like the most...
Is not a couple... We are like brother and sister....
I have to respect your choice....
Is not a betray... because i am too annoying...
This decision... It is good for both of us...

Maybe of different sex.... We cannot study together...
Yet you always say you want to study alone....
Now you found your gang... And you going into study group...

Wish all the best for you all.... =) will accept everything...
Including the bad word you guys scolding behind me...

Now... I feel like wanna go get my violin and play it crazily...
Unfortunately, the string is spoil...
I dont know what to do in the first place...
I felt i have been cheated....
Since early you should tell me the true...
And is not lie me...

Well... On the friday... I think i changed since that moment...
I scare to lost a single friend...
I trusted everyone.... But i dont trust myself...
I dont like study group... But I want to study together with you...

Because i trust that we can motivate each other...

Okay... This is what i should do now...
I will keep silent... I am just myself... Blanking my mind...
I dont treat anyone as friend now...
They are someone who i should win them in the exam....
Fight for a good result.... family problem... Can dont care then dont care....
Own problem let go everything.....
No matter how bad they treat me...
I am still CKW.... Keeping silent is always the best...
Everything is in my mind.... In my heart and i will bury it.....

Si How and Alex.... My trusted brother....
I cannot be with you guys... I have been alone for quite a few times....
Our heart is not longer be together....
Even we are near... Our topic will be different....
Sorry for that.... ESP Si How.... Sorry....
I cannot maintenance a good relationship with you guys...
3 Blade is got because of me.... The Emo Wee in the three....
You want to blame... You wan to scold... Can always come find me...

Thx you for one of my friend.... Yes you are right.... Accept everything with a smile...
Cry or sad... Or angry cannot done anything beside pressuring myself...
Thx you to point me and wake me up....

The smile from true heart and the fake smile cannot been different....
Can get through then i will be fine....
Please dont get close to me even I am sick or I am half die there...
Me CKW do not need help From ANYONE OF YOU....

There will not be the end of the world.... I will still alive....
This is the way i can survive.....

I dont Think you need my help anymore....
Since the friendship is break....
Then i will shut up for everything you do....
Get my eyes close for everyone near me.....
As before the sleepy wee.....
NEver care anything around... And fight till the end....
Get roar.... ROWL....

I need a true heart and close friend.. =)

Violin~Clover~WeeMusic save my Soulz

Hi I am back again since I CRIED in my heart..
Most of the time when I am sad I will login to blogger..
This time is not a exception....

I trusted a friend that a wish it will be really forever...
We stick together like glued by super glue.....
But Since the exam is coming she changed much..
Fight for the exam... Pushing me away... But she don't know it and also dont mean it...
I am hurt for this relationship... Even I am not that clever...
As we made a promise to fight together and work together...
I tried my best to help she when she is down....

To: My friend...
Do you know, i felt how much loneliness? Since this year you are the only one i trust...
The relationship of me and others is just like touch and go... Say a hi and a bye in a second...
I tried my best to chase after you... Every times when you are down sure i will help you..
When i down i tried to seek for your help and where are you now? Where are you?!!
It is i too silly to trust you? Everything is too late... The moment i made my decision... I will keep everything inside myself... And i will not be friends with anyone now....
Even you come close to me automatically... Maybe i will accept it... But i wish i dont get hurt...
I need you much more than before.... I dont have a friend like you anymore........

Back to myself...
In school before this, our classmates is really close to each other..
I dont know when and i didn't even notices this happen...
I felt everyone is pushing me away....
For this week... I really kept silent... Due to the shit result.... I am really tired....
My classmate? Haha, are they my friends?
I cannot believe my situation now.... Everyone is pushing me away....

To: another buddy..
I think i told you before them... I request you to teach me for physic and also others subject...
Yet you replied, you are not good in teaching... Okay never mind maybe you are really not good in teaching...
But how can you go and be others teacher for the next day? Yet now still continue...
And I didn't been invite to be your tutor? Are you still the one i know?
Sorry bar... I disturbed you a lot.... I will kept silent...

Classmate always just classmate... i KNow you guys dont even want me to be around...
I rhino-ed my face and get into the class group study with you all... Sorry for it...
I didn't want to ask any question even i want to ask....
Okay i kept silent and study my own understand myself....
Yet you are using in direct way to tell me that.. I am not welcomed....
Nah... Now i dont want to join you guys anymore....

Yeah... Maybe i am small gas... I angry for a little things...
I really been hurt by you all....
Teacher okay my result is not good... Do you need to show me this attitude?
you make me dont even have a confident to go for my exam...
I tried my best.... I studied over night... Maybe i miss concept or what....
Whatever... you are correct... I wont get what i want...

For my gan-mami....
I am sorry maybe i am rude towards you today... I dont mean anything at all....
I dont want you to worry me...
I tried my best to do what you said... you say dont think too much...
The i keep use homework as reason , do homework so i wont think too much....
Sorry.... I cannot do it well now....
Sorry to tell you everything like this.....

What can i do? Everything is fixed... This is my fate... Most probably you also wont read this page.... Thx you everyone... I <3 you all forever.......

What I feel in my heart...

10 august 2011
Busy day...

Today my friend go hospital for a check up... I am worrying...
Because she pain until wake up during the midnight....
She absent for school today... Without her...
There is a feeling of missing something in the class...
Thx that I get the news that her check up is fine and she is healthy...
During school...
I had fight with the physics lesson for around 2 hours.... Super tiring man....
Next we had our usual class at school...
And there are a extra class for the afternoon....
Is the time to meet my friend.... =) Cannot wait for it....

The extra class is the most interesting and class for the year....
We going to try out our some chemical experiment..
It is about chemistry... Carbon and also aluminium...
I tried small grenade and also tiny rocket...
Thx KSY for his hard work on the rocket...
He had tried more than 10 times of trial before showing us this successful show....
We launched a few rocket and also grenade....
There are videos in youtube....

This is the most meaningful moment for me...
I can feel the teamwork from my class..
Everyone waiting to see the rocket to be launch..
Waiting the grenade to boom....
And shouting around...
Yeah... I am one of them... =)
After the practical...
We clean up the field together...
And this time I really feel very good.... And fun....
This is the feeling what we should have between our friends....
I love my Classmate.. I love U6S3 2011 @St. Thomas, Kuching.....

Okay...
Then few of my gang planing to edit the video and post in on youtube or facebook....
Here is out video edit team... Alex, Nicole, Winnie and also me...
We used a few hours to edit the videos....
And we had dinner together at pizza huts...
We face a little problem there...
But finally it is solve...
Haha.... How a wonderful days....

Today... I felt sorry towards my friends or buddy....
I Think i treat them not good enough....
Sorry guys....

===================================================================

Here is some unhappy thingy i thinking today...
Sometimes i really feel alone when I am with friends...
I think I dont need much friends...
But I need someone to be with me....
Someone who can really pei me....
Someone that i can share my sadness...
Someone that i can share my Happiness....
Someone that i can share everything with....

When i am down...
I really hope you will hugs me automatically...
Come near me and cheer me....
Maybe I need some warmness...

But who will be that nice to me?
Haha.... I think I am too silly right?

This is the way how I care someone....
Sometimes a little hugs... Can cheer a person... Make someone feel better.....
A little warmness....Can pull someone up....
A kiss on his/her cheer... Can make he/she feel safe and calm...
I think this is the right way....

Friends.... I appreciate you guys very much.... I dont want to lost anyone of you...
And this is why I trying to maintain our friendship...
Even it will never get back like before... But at least i can call you my friends....
No matter i get hurt how many times....
I will forget it and maintain our friendship.....
I know there is a limit for me.... But i think i still can keep it well.....

Good luck everyone..... <3

The Secret of life

9 August 2011, Tuesday, Cloudy....

During our life, there are sadness, happiness and so on
Sometimes, I really think that I am stupid towards friends.
This is what their choices, what for I go kepo?
Yeah, but why I still go advice them?

Maybe sometimes LOVE make ppl crazy or blind...
But there are friends telling you that don't go towards it again...
They not gonna be back beside you...
You will been hurt by them very soon...
Haha... But you say that 'he/she already change, and still love me'
You are just imagining that they are back and will still with you forever.
Well, the person who start to say break off...
Then the person will not what you back again..
And they will never miss the moments with you...
But for the one been hurt...
They will still stay in their happy moments.
No matter how hurt it is during the break....
But when they are come back with some sweet words....
They will still trust them...
It is human stupid? Or LOVE make them BLIND?

I also learn that everything got it's pros and cons...
Nothing is prefect... No one is PREFECT...
Therefore IDEAL will never exist...
When the moment you feel down....
You can try to think of the pros....
Thinking positively will make you feel better... =)

Am I too caring towards you? I asked myself this question time to time...
Today i asked myself again....
Because heard that you wanna to go back for your ex-bf...
I dont know how much effort have I used when you breaking up with him...
I wish you will not get hurt again after get back with him...
I can only stay here and support you... =)

Next... I miss the sweet moment of friendship...
Hanging out with you guys... Shopping, playing, eating, gossiping around...
I have lost these feeling and I dont know when it is....
Sometimes, Seeing you guys planning to go here and there...
And I am not invite... I felt disappointed...
Seeing other gang are so close...
They can go eat together... Drink together... Watch movie together...
As what we did before.... But now I really miss that feeling....
Smile, laugh, joking are getting lesser and lesser.....
This is because... I getting far from you guys or because we are getting busy?
Maybe I am out from the circle.....
Even the moment chatting with you all...
I can feel a cold wind blow pass through me....
Well... =) let everything pass....
Maybe now I just need someone to be with me.....
I trust that friendship between us will never ends.... The few of us....
But unfortunately... I start to scare that you are annoyed by me..
Through your action... Through the way you treat me....
Even you say that you treat me as a buddy...
But I feeling that you are pushing me away....

Closed my Eyes refresh back to the moment with you....
Imagine that you are still with me....
Yup... Everything will be fine....

It is the time to let you go and protecting you from behind.....
You will always be my best buddy... Inside my deep heart.....



GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST!!!

A Colourful day..

Today 5 August 2011.
Early is the morning I woke up a few times.
3am, 4am, 5am then 6am...
........
Time for school, With the fear toward physic's test....

At school I felt myself melting in the Kpop that play by Lee
Enjoy...=)

After a few period of class, Rushing for my work....
Finally the last two period 'Physics'
Haha....
Study whole day but I don't even can understand the question.
Nvm bar... Sorry Poh make you been scolded by teacher....

Yet today i know a silly girl.... 'Sim'
I don't know what you are thinking.... Too naive?
Others all can see that you are been play...
Don't be silly bar.... Only make ppl feel you are bitchy.....

School day end like this.... ^^

Go home at 1... rest a while bath eat ....
4.30am Go meet ern ern.... =)
But she is late.... Haha... Nvm lah.... Thanks you for belanjar me....

After that JAM!!!! On the way send Poh home and go Richmond....
Jammed 1 hours plus... Haha
Finally reach and had my dinner with ern ern, amy, tyy...

After that send ern ern and amy home....

The story is start now....
Today i had accident...... First accident to knock others car....
I am too careless.... I should not be like this...
Hmmm maybe i am worrying something..............................
Kept silent when meet mother... Well every cost use for repair
I wish i can use my own saving......

Okay..... Have a colourful day filled with happiness, sadness and also fear.....

Thank you , Good Luck and Jia you for you.......

The moment you told me the stuff.... I am down....
Yet i kept my tear in my heart.... Seeing you guys like this i am hurt....
I wish i can use my life to change everything for you...
Give you happiness.....
Leaving is what you choose....
Then it is the time for me to let go.....


Good Bye with a full blessing for you.....








The Fallen Angle's Life.....